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Don Eilenberger's Eilenberger's Laws
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At 0100 PM 2/25/2003 -0600, David B.
Thompson emailed:
Dave replied: Ah, the mad Magician Murphy must have just rolled over in his grave. ) Now, please provide a link to Eilenberger's Laws. I have to read these. (I'm compulsive that way. ) -=d I replied: I've never put them on my webpages.. mebbe I should.. (so I did) Law#1 - Riding: Ride like they're out to kill you. Don't even think about them not seeing you - think they *do* see you and want to kill you. ie - plan your escape. Law#2 - Parts: You never need the part you have. (and the sublaw is - the further you are from the part you need is directly proportional to the probable need for the part (Canada proved that to me -)) Law#3 - Troubleshooting: Look where you last worked. Law#4 - Tools: You never have the correct tool on hand. And if you own it - someone borrowed it or it's lost in the dark corner of the garage where all the little red spray tubes congregate (spiders drag them there.) Law#5 - People: There is always a greater idiot. Make something idiot proof to demonstrate this. Law#6 - Incompetence: (A borrowed law) Never attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence. Law#7 - Devices: Most things work until they break. Then they're broken. Law#8 - Parallelism: If one of two identical bulbs burns out, it's buddy is just waiting until you've replaced the one, and buttoned things up to blow out. Also applies to lots of other devices. Law#9 - Self-aggrandizement: You were always faster in the retelling than in reality and fish that got away are *always* whoppers. Law#10 - Time: *IS* relative. It can be much longer or shorter depending on the situation. Repair times tend to stretch out, good rides tend to be too short. Having to pee without a place to go can be infinity. Law#11 - Self-knowledge: We're all bozos on this bus. Law#12 - Pitstops: Take a pee whenever you find a place to. As you get older the urgency gets greater and the apparent distance between urinals gets greater. Related to Law#10. Law#13 - Test Rides: Never ride a bike you can't afford. If the test ride is successful, it means you will either be unhappy with your current bike until you figure out a way to afford the new bike, or in for domestic turmoil as you try to convince SWMBO that you not only NEED the new bike, it's a necessity. |